Old

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,

And from thy slender store two loaves alone to thee are left,

Sell one, and with the dole

Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.

***

I have been a little out of sorts (possible derivation from 17thC printers not having enough ‘sorts’ of letters apparently) the last week or so.  I feel old, baggy round the edges.  My hands are displaying veins, and crepe-iness is creeping up on my skin.  My hips hurt.  My eyes ache.  I need to sleep, constantly, but can’t.  My jaw line has gone from pixy to hag seemingly overnight.  I am a veritable bundle of joy.  I am 51.

It could be ‘THE CHANGE’ (to be said in a doomish film voice-over voice).  It probably is, or at least has something to do with it.  The hot flushes don’t seem to be as violent as I have been led to believe they might be but they are certainly there.  I long for the tyranny of periods to be over, so with all this hoo ha comes a silver lining.  There are in fact other silver linings to this.  I mean it’s crap to feel stiff and old when you feel 23 inside your head, but on the other hand I don’t have any of the hang ups of a 23 year old, or a 30 year old, or indeed a 43 year old.  I feel free to be me.  I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore and that is very liberating.  I went to yoga today (see above reference to stiff and old) for the first time in a couple of years.  I remember when I started going aeons ago, feeling terribly self conscious because I didn’t look like the yoga teacher, or the yummy mummies in their uggs boots and pink yoga outfits.  Idiot.  Of course I didn’t.  The yoga teacher looked that because she taught yoga everyday, several times a day.  Its her job to look like that.   And the YMs?  Bollocks to them and their manicured, teased little Barbie bods.

My class was a kellogs variety pack of shapes, ages, abilities and sizes.  Two men there too – very novel.  It was packed so there were points where a little judicious shuffling was needed to remove ones forehead from the next person’s rear area.   The chap next to me was a heavy breather but I am sure it was the shoulder stand pose and not anything more sinister that caused it.

It felt very good to stretch, bend and breathe to order.  It felt even better to stop, close my eyes and clear my head.  I hope it marks a point where I stop feeling out of sorts and feel positively in sorts.  I expect my household are willing that to be the case.  I am booking it in next week too, just to be sure.

Another positive note this week is that my wedding ring is now paid for in full.

Something gold

So is himself’s.  We are 9 months into this arrangement.  I think its going pretty well.  I should ask Russell if he agrees, since he is 50% of the deal.  I will expand on this theme another time.  Tonight we are going to see Mark Thomas at The Tobacco Factory, with jane and Dean, and I must away to make my face look less scary.

Credits

Own Art – interest free loans for art, or our case, wedding rings

Diana Porter – made our rings and loves my café

The Folk House Café – hyacinth

Byass Rare Books  – Jane and Dean, friends, neighbours, antique book dealers and organisers of tonight’s entertainment